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self-talk-and-being-kind-to-yourself

Self talk and being kind to yourself

Tara Heaney

It's that time of year where everything is ramping up- there's so many functions and break ups on, summer has well and truly hit and we are trying to get everything ready for holidays, christmas and the relentless festivities coming our way.

But it can also be the the season of overwhelm. It's too hot to clean, no-one wants to turn the oven on and taking kids to the playground between 8am-330pm is just out of the question. So how do you get through the day? What do you do to help yourself cope for the very long days ahead?

This past week, I've become accutely aware that I need to change my habits. My mindset is great most of the time, but as my kids are getting older I'm struggling to keep my cool. And I've got pretty good kids, it's not about them. It's about me.

It's my resilience that is lacking. I'm stressed- crumble. I'm overwhelmed- crumble. My kid still won't get dressed and actually he's giving the neighbours a pressed pickle through the window- crumble.

But how do we change our ability to cope with life, our automatic reaction to the little triggers around us? We all know we need to fill our cup, but what does that even look like? I exercise, I buy myself little things as I need, hubby steps in whenever I need, I can go out if I want, I take a long kidfree baths here and there but they aren't it. They aren't going to fix me. It's not a long term solution. Maybe a more regular date night (hello new years resolution) or a hobby 🤷‍♀️

I think a large part of it is self talk and perspective, for me anyway. I've always been a weirdo, not wildly accepted and I'm mostly ok with that. But I've noticed my self talk has come to reflect this and it's starting to chip away at my self worth. Things like "Oh I wasn't invited because they don't like me, but it's ok cos no one does" or " you are being a crap mum, you are going to ruin your kids if you keep this up".

The logical part of my brain knows these aren't true or can justify what I mean by these throw away statements. But it's so unhelpful to say things like this to yourself, once you open that can of worms you keep saying it. And you start believing it.

Like I know I'm worth getting to know. I know I'm not a crap mum. So why do I say these things to myself? Would I say them to another person? Hell no! So how do I rewire my brain to catch myself in the moment?

I've decided to try a version of meditation and visualisation. Sounds wanky I know. But it's easy to implement, only takes 5-20mins a day and I'm feeling really good about it.

I've been incorporating it into my day where ever I can, but I think it will best serve me to make it part of my morning routine. I've had to step away from early morning exercise for the moment. Its too draining on my already depleted body. I'm working on nurturing my body with as many healthy nutrients and habits as I can, and I've decided I need the same dedication to my mental health too.

So I have decided to commit to 30 days of incorporating positive affirmations, meditation and visualisation into my morning routine in order to give myself some tools for when it's all too hard.

Do you give looking after your mental health the same value as looking after your body? Because at this time of year, when we want to feel great, enjoy ourselves and have fun with the people around us, I think there's really no other way to look at it.